Matt Powers is writer for ClickHole. His work has appeared on The Onion, Adult Swim, and other places that are good. He has been asked several times but refuses to leave your driveway.

 

Accidentally started typing my credit card number into the name field and realized that Groupon is totally accepting of numeric names and/or allows robots to purchase deals. Either way, very progressive.

Accidentally started typing my credit card number into the name field and realized that Groupon is totally accepting of numeric names and/or allows robots to purchase deals. Either way, very progressive.

These cops go to EXTREME lengths to catch this serial killer. Wow.

But at what cost? Maybe no cost? Nah, probably some cost.

(please check out this video I wrote)

Itinerary For A Family Reunion Held In A Snake Pit

Something I wrote for The Higgs Weldon, a comedy site that will change your perception of popular breakfast pastries “higgs weldon”s forever.

How To Survive A Minor Earthquake

Step 1: While minor earthquake is occurring, do not be in the way of speeding projectiles, do not throw oneself from a formidable height, do not douse self in gasoline and stand near open flame. Do not submerge self in water for longer than duration of peak breath holding.

Step 2: Text everyone you know: “Did you feel the earthquake????”